omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
