why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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