I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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