everyone is single if you try hard enough
nutella sex= disaster
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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