happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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