she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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