Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
