When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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