Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
