If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
