I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
