He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
