i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Randomize
