first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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