Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
