I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
