apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
