Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
