yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy�
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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