im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
