So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
