It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Less talking, more tequila
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
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