sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
soo... how was my night?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
