I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Randomize
