I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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