I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
