Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
