Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
