I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
