My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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