just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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