I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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