Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
