i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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