I am puke
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
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