What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
