In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
