my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
