Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
