i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
