He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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