I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Randomize
