uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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