I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
