I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
