I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
operation harelip BJ is a go
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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