True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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