My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
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