Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
