So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
